How To Chew Bubble Gum and Kick Ass At The Same Time

To figure out how to chew bubble gum and kick ass at the same time, it is imperative that you first find out your chances of succeeding.

You basically have 100% chance of chewing bubble gum, and most 1 on 1 situations, you have a 50% chance of kicking someones ass. It depends on several factors like your size, fighting skills, and the skills of the other person to decide your real odds of chewing gum and kicking ass at the same time successfully.

So in general, if chewing bubble gum is 100% chance and kicking ass is 50%, 150 divided by 2 is 75% that you will be successful. And about a 25% chance that you will be chewing bubble gum while getting your ass kicked and not the one kicking ass.

Since you can’t control the other persons skills or the number of people you will be against, you can only then improve your own skills if you make it that far to have to kick ass while chewing bubble gum. Or like most people, the best thing to do is to avoid having to kick ass or get ass kicked, and just chew bubble gum and relax.

To improve your chances of this, you cannot look weak while chewing bubble gum, or you will be a target.

Therefore, you need to either be Chuck Norris or since most of us are not him, we try to look tougher or more intimidating to fend off anyone thinking you are a pushover.

Getting bigger by working out or lifting will not only make you healthier and stronger, it will drastically improve your chances of chewing bubble gum while kicking ass instead of chewing bubble gum and getting your ass kicked.

To do this, you must work out all your body parts with weights 3-5 days a week and do sets of 7-12 reps. I prefer to do a week for each number to target. 7 reps for 1 week, 12 reps for week 2, 8 reps for week 3, 11 reps for week 4,9 reps for week 5, and 10 reps for week 6.  This is just an example but if done right and you truthful to yourself and your strength progress, you will pick better weights to hit that rep number and not be able to do more or less. This will allow you to know your improvements without a workout app on ipad or pen and paper.


Or you can take a mma class, and improve your actual skills at kicking ass while chewing bubble gum. Never to start the ass kicking, but only to offer an ass kicking to defend yourself on someone who mistreats your kindness for weakness.

Doing either of these will improve your confidence and make you stand taller without fear. You will chew bubble gum and look like,”Hey, I am nice but I am not weak and don’t want to offer up some ass kickings while I chew this bubble gum.”You don’t want to be a goon and pick fights with weaker people to make yourself feel good. You only want to not be targeted because you are weak.

That is the whole goal of chewing bubble gum while kicking ass. You increase your looks, confidence, and skills through multiple outlets while just chewing bubble gum and going along your day.


Make sure it’s sugar free bubble gum!




3 thoughts on “How To Chew Bubble Gum and Kick Ass At The Same Time

  1. Cool post! Good advice on reps thru weeks and it really made me smile. Keep chewing! I once heard it helps to stay focus. PEACE!


  2. Hey C,

    Awesome article and analogy! What you are teaching here is the same as my 5 yo nephew, Jaxson is learning in Hapkido! It is something for everyone to learn and relate to. I’m quite sure you could kick 5 guys asses, but from what I know of you… don’t go out looking for a fight or trouble!

    This is a great article, Bro! Glad to see you are writing again, I always looks forward to your articles! Hope all is well with you and look forward to the next one! Email me when you get time

    John Weber


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